How to Socialize When You Are Not Sociable

5 quick tips from my therapist when our social battery is low. Also, I tested so you would not have to.

Whether we are introverts or extroverts, we all have days when we feel under the weather, and do not wish to reciprocate the need of communications. And then suddenly you remember — there is that event you agree to attend: a family member’s birthday, a company’s event or your best friend’s wedding.

Sometimes, we feel like we need to do things out of our comfort zone for the ones we love, for the ones who have always been our allies in need. And in those times, trying to be sociable when you do not find the need of communications endearing is like having a callus for not walking in the right shoes size. It sometimes hurts, sometimes does not; but it is always there with a bit of discomfort.

After a few years of searching for the right bandaids and multiple tips with the help of my therapist, here are the 5 tips that always work to help us socializing with minimum effort when you are not in sociable stage.

1. Mirroring

Socializing without words— and proven effective by science through the mirror neuron wired in our brains(that neuron makes you yawn when you see someone yawns). By mirroring — or repeating your peer's gesture, it can establish rapport as the similarities in nonverbal gestures can help your peer feels a stronger connection with you. This is a simple, quick and effective for the days when you want to do minimum communications.

Photo by Rishabh Dharmani on Unsplash

2. Setting your comfort intervals

Knowing your limits is the key. Just like reminding yourself to do stretches every 30 minutes to prevent back pains, you should set your own interval to breathe to prevent social tiredness. Especially when you are not 100% full in energy nor have the sufficient time to recharge fully, it is best to have multiple intervals of recharging so you can pull through.

3. Lessening pressure by…being in a bigger group

Firing fire with fire. At first when I heard this suggestion from my therapist, I was terrified. But after practicing it a few times, I understand her rationale. When we are in a small group, especially one-on-one, the peer pressure to communicate is high as we capture our peer’s complete attention. But when we emerge ourselves in a bigger group — that attention and the pressure to respond is divided among the members in the group, which in fact, helps lessening ours. Weird advice, I agree; but it is highly effective.

Photo by René Porter on Unsplash

4. Following it up

In short, this is the “letting your peer does all the talking” trick. Just like picking the right accessories for your look, there are different types of charm you can choose to match your mood and still look ravishing. On your not-so-sociable day, your best charm is listening.

5. Excuses to help you swim when you feel underwater

Choosing that one excuse with the least amount of follow-up questions, yet still true, is an art. This is an unharmed lie, so it is best to prepare your excuse with all-rounded details to avoid contradicting yourself. My top of the list is always “I feel tired”. Next in line is “I must leave early, I have an arrangement (with myself)”.

Last but not least,

These are good tips when we still have some percentage left in the battery. But if your level is 0%, there is no need to be so worked up when your mental health is jeopardized. If there is that day when you feel not-yourself, let’s skip whatever pre-planned events on your calendar and go to your own event — living your life.